workshop critic

here are quite few of writing error such as the first emptyness. it should be spell like this 'emptiness'
ehco, 'Echo"
foriegn, "foreign"
style of writing, it was like a futuristic way of writhing. it is cool.but the utilization of your punctuation mark is nearly zero..i would wish for you to use more of that.
this is like the fiction type of paragraph..
i would wish that this is a real deal..
i would rather wish that you perfected your style of writing..it is a simple one..punctuation mark is essential to break the word out so that it provide a diversion so that people would have the target idea..

The Wars in war

The emptiness of space on mother earth suddenly echoes with the sound of massive gunfire. The artificial fireworks of the cosmos it is, unrivaled since man went to space. Man cannot ever escape the notion of war. It is war that shape humankind for millennium, like a parasite creature in a host, waiting and growing in time for when it time to strike. The theater of war is again started by the endless echo of that massive gunfire. The third world war finally begins. BOOOMMMMM!!!!! A sound so familiar but yet so foreign to the countless people onboard the mother Ship Hope and also for some of those wonderful people, it is the last sound that they had ever heard. In the main control room, General All win were bombarded by the officer and crews with voice that a captain of a ship would never wanted to listen. "Sir, The main engine room is on blaze, Sir!" then another voice appear "Captain! Our starboard side has been hit, Damage to Hope at 35 percent!" and one other said with a confidence voice "The big gun are online Captain! And I have reports of people trap in the damage area” Calm the face of him, listening to the reports. The captain then raises his head, stand up straight and then said "Commander! Go to damage area and save the people trapped, all engineering crew repair the damage now! All remaining attacking squad repel the enemy! Battle Station!” A wonderful, brave and experience captain he is, a leader for such a warship. Now, his hope lie on the commander, who is a young man, charismatic, very loyal and trusted by General as if he was his son to help those trap people onboard the Hope.

The Voice

"i never wanted to see you again!" as a angry cries full of grudge and hatred with a stare that can melt steel towards the man with the umbrella as that is the only voice he hear.

"why? why?...i don't understand...".

"you cheated!you liar!" .

Again she shouted, but with a flat and broken voice. The man mind and body where in shock, like 1000 lightning bolt pass true his body, so demoralizing he feel, burn his heart it was.

In a park full of people and sound, the voice of silence is only thing heard. "Eve, I've told you before, she is my best friend and we have known from high school" the man reply.

The lovely face of an angel it was, but drop of tears slowly appear as the echo of her fury slowly fade away. The angel put her hand in front of the mouth trying to stop the flow of tears running in her white cheeks and calm her as her body shaking.

"why...Adam?, why don't you tell me about her?" sad as the voice is, the anger in her soul is slowly fill with regret and guilty.

"Eve, i only met her since yesterday. She is already married and have a young boy now" the man explain.

"i'm sorry, i thought she is your other lover..." replied the girl. "Shhhh..." said Adam, "i know it is my fault too, i'm sorry Eve.." with his hand holding the girl hand calming her of her own guilt and regret.

Then just like a magic show, the rain fall and the one with the umbrella open and shield her with a slow voice "my heart is already yours...i wont trade it for all the wealth in the world" and a smile of an angel appear in the girl face, to be seen by him. The rain fall down on them, seem to wash away their doubt on each other.

Character and setting

CHARACTER
...A modered figure came out from the mist of smoke in front of the automatic door...Fear grip the people in the smoke kabin. How is him? enemy? a savior? the question linger in their mind for a few second. The figure is not that tall, not that skinny and in a position of policemen when they wanted to capture a criminal or a crook. His body is clad in futuristic armored, with a large lazer gun and equipment fit for a war...asking the traped "are you all alright? come with me quickly, this part of the ship is damage badly. We have to get out now!" the young man said. his mind resonate with the commander order.But the people seem to be still scare. Suddently the spaceship rumble"broommguuu!!!...". "Come, there is not much time!" and he the push the button on his helmet. A face appear, an Asian face quite hensom, a scar at his right forehead, short hair, wearing a black headband and have a goatee. He stood and see everyone, his brown eye is full with confidence and pride. "But, there is no way the door is lock" reply the old lady among the crowd. "i make a way out, stand back away from the lock door" And with that the young man hold his lazer gun and a bright light is all they all saw. His glove hand show the way out. A big hole for everyone to get out. "Go! go! go!" and all of them got out from the kabin.

LIST OF CHARACTER ATTRIBUTES:
1.good looking young man
2.brave
3.good problem solver
4.weapon specialist
5.kind heart and careing


SETTING
the setting took place in the future. The event take place on a large battle spaceship on a mission to deliver a cargo. The ship got attack by the enemy and all is trap in the unforgiving war that is fact of life.

MY TRUST

A stone drop into the pond

making ripple across the pond

and my heart is like the surface of the pond

rippling, and the stone went deeper into the pond

then, calm again like the surface of the pond

freedom the word came into my mind

as the heart is free of mindless impulse

of love, to be love and being love

but it is not her fault at all

it is destiny for God have plans for his devotees

The turmoil is no longer

the pain is no longer

the sadness is no longer

the emptiness is no longer
for i believe the woman i trust deserve a better man than me

so punishing to accept

she is not mine

but life is life

sacrifice have to be made

and i have to let go of the thing i love

forever i trust

the most trustful

for He knows of my trust